


What Didn't Really Happen

by MariekoWest



Series: DragonBall(☆)Retro [4]
Category: Dragon Ball Z, GohanxPiccolo
Genre: Canon Overhaul, Devirginating Piccolo, Expletives, Graphic Sex, Hermaphroditic & Alien Biology, Interspecies Romance, Interspecies Sex, Lemon, Lime, M/M, NSFW, Not GohanxVidel-Friendly, Other, Shounen-ai, Uke Piccolo, Underage Drinking, Yaoi, クリリン, チチ, ドラゴンボール, ビーデル•サタン, ピッコロ受け, ピッコロ大魔王ＪＲ/ピッコロさん, ブルマ•ブリーフ, ベジータ, ヤムチャ, 孫悟飯ＪＲ, 飯Ｐ, １８号
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:19:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6394255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MariekoWest/pseuds/MariekoWest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gohan gets drunk in a special party for him and Videl as a couple and things start to go wrong. Or maybe for once, they start to go right… Love, liquor, lemons, and lovely Piccolo-uke! <b>[3rd Revision 2018/02/28]</b></p>
            </blockquote>





	What Didn't Really Happen

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Alcohol](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/201799) by pinki100. 



> Map of   
>  ** DRAGONBALL(☆)RETRO **
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Legend:**  
> 
> 
> **[ !! ]** Has *very* important related events to current story  
>  **[ - ]** Has events related to current story  
>  **[ x ]** Not yet published  
>  **[ .. ]** In progress  
>  **[ o ]** Complete
> 
> * * *
> 
> **CHRONOLOGY:**
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Don't Smell The Rozealeas" [ o ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Look At the Dark (Mirare Obscura)" [ x ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Eyes Only For You" [ o ] **[ !! ]**  
>  **"What Didn't Really Happen" [ .. ]** {YOU ARE HERE}  
>  "Truer Than Love" [ o ]  
>  "God Smitten" [ o ]  
>  "Valentine Scramble" [ .. ]  
>  "Foreshock" [ x ] **[ - ]**  
>  "Upside-Down Inside-Out" [ x ]  
> 
> 
> ### ...

 

**-x-**

  

The strongest warrior on Earth, and perhaps all the galaxy— had two proverbial weaknesses. One: he was unduly alcohol-intolerant. Two: he was secretly, _depravedly_ in love with his childhood best friend and erstwhile mentor.

The fact that Son Gohan was a lightweight became known when he was accidentally served a glass of alcoholic fruit punch, mistaking it for the non-alcoholic variety which he usually drank during Hermit Turtle's beach parties. Thankfully he only got mildly tipsy at that time. Because when he got drunk (like when was a small child, taken hostage by a fiend named Garlic Jr.), he became ungracefully candid; and when he became candid, he would sing. Yes, he would sing– to the whole world, how much he loved his big and sullen Namek friend. And the green cat would be out of the bag.

He adored Piccolo. That was no secret. Everyone knew it. Every one of his Z-Senshi friends. His father was well-versed with it by now, and much to her disgruntlement, his mother. Indeed, they all knew he loved Piccolo Daimaoh Jr. But they never knew that he _loved_ Piccolo Daimaoh Jr. They were aware of his fervent adoration for the green man, and how the boy doted on him to an obsessive degree. But they never, _never-ever_ entertained the notion that his fondness had reached amatory heights. Vegeta was perhaps the only one shrewd enough to know the truth of the matter but he kept mum about it, preferring to keep his princely nose in his own business.

Owing however to a forthcoming social blunder of epic proportions, Gohan's sobriety and secrets, as well as Vegeta's noncommittal stand on the matter, were about to be compromised.

One of the things Piccolo and Vegeta had in common was that they kept their number of friends to a bare minimum. One was more than enough; two being their limit. If there was anyone who had lesser friends than Piccolo, it would have to be Vegeta. Bloomer happened to be his wife so it didn't count; Trunks was his son, so he didn't have a choice in the matter; and Kakarot— well, it was his greatest fantasy to kill the 'bloody imbecile', so not even close. Piccolo was the only one he ever "chose" to consort with in any sort of way that could be remotely considered within the boundaries of "friendly". The Namek was the only living being in this sector of the galaxy that he could have a proper conversation and training session with, sans the murderous tendencies into the first ten minutes of being within each other's proximity. So naturally, Piccolo was Vegeta's choice for "friend number one and nothing else follows".

When Vegeta "consorted" with Piccolo, it was almost impossible not to scent Gohan all over him; his keen Saiyajin nose an unwilling witness to how much the boy has endeavoured to instinctively mark his chosen mate. And clearly quite subliminally too, since even the boy himself wasn't aware that he was almost completely snuffing out Piccolo's subtle scent with his own. Even as a young adult, Gohan would embrace Piccolo with impunity. Meaning, more than he did anyone else; more than his own father or other members of his family (which was often enough, not even including the private ones he did when he thought no one was looking). Vegeta recognized the territorial behaviour instantly if the brat's scent all over Piccolo wasn't enough a screaming indication of it. He said nothing of his observations to the Namek, knowing full well that Piccolo's sense of smell was virtually as formidable as his sense of hearing; and if he didn't mind the scent of Kakarot's brat all over him, then who was he to broach the subject? The Earth-born Namek may be naïve and even innocent when it came to romantic love, but he was no idiot.

So it happened very much to Vegeta's dissension and Gohan's distress, that Bloomer and Chi-chi had planned a surprise celebration for Gohan and Videl (with Goten's birthday party as a front), under the assumption that the two were officially an item. Vegeta would have told his wife that it was a _very big and very ugly mistake_ —that is, if he had known beforehand. He wouldn't have thought twice to call her a gormless twit if she hadn't realized who the brat honestly fancied by now… Then again, he thought them all daft dullards for not seeing what had always been right under their noses.

And to add insult to injury, when the said party went underway, it turned out that Piccolo was not on the list of guests invited (though that part was predictably more of Chi-chi's idea). Bloomer originally planned to invite him but eventually conceded to Chi-chi's argument that Piccolo wouldn't be interested in such matters, and that they might even be sparing him the trouble of putting up with, what to him was surely a “boring social human activity” for Gohan's sake. Besides which, Chi-chi pointed out that her son now had himself a girlfriend, and that he would certainly be giving her all his attention that he wouldn't even notice Piccolo's absence. That (as you may have already conjectured), effortlessly took the cake as _very big and ugly mistake number two_.

The truth of the matter was, Chi-chi was secretly hoping with all her heart and soul that now that her son had a girlfriend, it meant that he had finally gotten over his fixation with the gruff alien. No matter how she looked at it, being too attached to a giant green man was unhealthy; and it would just get in the way of the bright future she had always envisioned for him. As much as she loved her departed husband Son Goku, she would not permit his legacy of being a trouble-magnet to be passed on to her ' _sweet little baby'_ Gohan. Yes, she had big hopes for him, and this party would mark his passage from his old chaos-riddled life to a brand new secure one.

And Chi-chi was pleased so far, because things were going smoothly, and very much according to what she had in mind.

After the birthday celebrant had been greeted and made to blow four robot-shaped candles stuck into his Lego block shaped birthday cake, he was easily coaxed to run along and play with Trunks in the greenhouse. Vegeta took that as his cue to steer clear of the imminent disaster and swiftly stole to the shadows nursing a bottle of beer. Sure, he was willing to give it a chance (if only for the greater pleasure to be gained from gloating about it later on).

Without further delay, the bomb was unceremoniously dropped on the clueless couple, and just like that, everyone moved in to congratulate them on their "relationship". Gohan merely stood rooted to the spot, having his hand shook and his back patted for 'whatever the HFIL was happening??' his mind was already too flabbergasted to process.

The dumbstruck expression on Gohan's face was straight out of the Saiyajin prince's premonition; Videl blushing like a bride-to-be, however, was a far more audacious reaction compared to what his princely imagination had even dared to conjure. Vegeta could take not another minute of the deplorable travesty unfolding before his princely eyes. How the underfed mock girlfriend clung to the brat; how everyone egged them on to kiss and enjoy their "relationship"; at how even the brat's own mother was obviously gushing more at the prospect of the waif's wealth than her own son's happiness; and how every single one of the bloody blind fools were completely missing the troubled and truly unhappy mess the brat had instantly been reduced to. He decided that it was time for him to take matters into his princely hands.

When Gohan excused himself to empty his bladder, Vegeta cut him off at the secluded garden path on the way back, shoving a bottle of beer to his chest.

"Err, thank you, Vegeta-san… But I'm only ***** turning fifteen this year, I'm not allowed to drink yet—"

"Oh, for fuck's sake. It's only one bloody bottle! You aren't backing down on the prince's offer, are you?"

Gohan mutely regarded the perspiring offering for a few moments and Vegeta couldn't help but notice the dark bags under the boy's eyes and his general aura that was heavy with fatigue. Not at all characteristic of the cloyingly cheerful boy he knew.

"Look, you're not going to die from one bottle of perfectly fine _nama_ beer, alright? Besides, you look like you need it."

"O-okay… Err, thanks…?" Gohan stammered, reluctantly taking the _rather_ _big_ _bottle_ (yes, now that his mind and fingers had wrapped around it, it definitely felt bigger than it looked). He gaped at it for a while, as if truly at a loss what to do with it.

"Cheers!" Raising his own bottle and clinking it against Gohan's own, Vegeta declared with a smirk, "To you and the one you love!" He then chugged down the contents of his own bottle in one swig. After a loud refreshed exhalation and a burp, he lifted an eyebrow at the boy and then cocked his head in the direction of the waiting bottle, impatiently goading him to follow his example.

"T-to… the one… _I love…_ " echoed Gohan, miserably failing to sound anything close to cheerful. He struggled for some seconds to swallow a prickly lump that seemed to have crawled up his throat, then with a pained smile and a puff of air, he mirrored Vegeta's actions.

The prince watched, amused by the effervescent liquid inside the clear bottle as it drained into the boy's mouth. When the bottle had been emptied—much quicker than expected; Vegeta was impressed—Gohan's face scrunched up in distaste, before he coughed up a bit and handed the bottle back to the Saiyajin who was offering to relieve him of carrying it.

"Feeling better?"

"Uhh, I-I'm not really sure…" Gohan replied truthfully, blinking hazily a few times. "B-but thanks again, Vegeta-san."

"I didn't do it for you. I did it for me." _And because this is partly my stupid wife's fault,_ the Saiyajin prince all but muttered.

Gohan looked confused. Well- even more than he already had been.

"I can't stand the sight of someone with Saiyajin blood acting like a downright pansy taking shit and pretending for the sake of pleasing a bunch of blithering fools."

Gohan knew he should've taken offense that Vegeta just called his friends… _bumbling-blithering…? morons-fools…?_ whatever. But he wasn't really feeling vindictive at the moment so he let it slide. In fact, he was starting to feel… _relaxed_ as opposed to how overwrought he had been some minutes ago.

"I thought you needed to be reminded that you have a spine of your own, boy."

"I… I'm not sure I under—"

"Oh, spare me!" snapped the smaller man, his accent becoming thicker whenever he was irritated. "You? And that _prissy little arriviste?_ You don't fool me for an instant; your scent is hardly on her! In fact, it's been the other way around all night, hasn't it? She's been clinging to you like a leech, but her scent on you irks you; that much is obvious!"

The teenager's eyes were wide now, his face an alarming scarlet (though Vegeta knew the latter was more likely due to the alcohol taking effect.)

"H-how did… Y-you mean you—??"

"Listen, brat…" Vegeta shifted his gaze to the buffet table situated on the lawn in the distance. Chi-chi was pouring Videl another round of iced tea and offering her some freshly roasted meat. "I know who you really want. And it's the last creature your mother would fawn over. If you don't act now, it might be too late."

Gohan was inundated at the moment, his mind fuzzy from the beer, and Vegeta being all cryptic wasn't helping.

"Ask yourself: are you doing this—letting them do this—because it's what you truly want? Are you putting up with this _bull shit!_ to make them—your mother—happy? But most importantly: _are you sure you won't have any regrets later?_ If your answer to all of the above is 'yes', then by all means…" Vegeta melodramatically steps aside and gestures for him to pass. "Do continue."

Before Gohan knew it, tears were spilling down his cheeks incessantly, and despite how mortified he felt about it, he couldn't make it stop. Knowing his work there was done, the haughty Saiyajin prince made his exit. And Gohan, brain as addlepated as ever, mechanically dragged his feet back to the festivities; only to realize too late that his emotional dam had already burst open. He wasn't even sensible enough anymore to wipe the tear trails from his face.

"Piccolo-san didn't come," he said totally at random, out of nowhere, and in such a melancholic tone that everyone, most who had been laughing loudly at some joke he didn't even hear, stopped and stared at him; an eerie silence taking over.

"Uhm, actually, Gohan-kun," Bloomer began gently after some moments, "Chi-chi-san and I assumed that he wouldn't be interested—"

"Just as you assumed there was something between me and Videl-san, huh?"

Several stifled gasps broke out – Videl's being the loudest. The said girl had swiftly covered her mouth, choking down a sob.

"Now, Gohan-chan, what's that supposed to mean?" Chi-chi butted in. "Don't you deny your relationship with Videl-san in front of everyone, you're embarrassing her!"

"Oh. Then that's really all there is to all this after all, isn't it?" Gohan said more to himself than anyone in particular, straightening up to his full height; amazed at how brazenly eloquent he was feeling all of a sudden. "You guys go ahead and have fun with– _whatever this is you're doing_ _!_ I don't think you need me here for that anyway, right?"

"Gohan-chaaa!" Chi-chi screeched after Gohan's retreating form, getting pushed back by the wind current as he blasted off.

Videl burst into tears and the older women of the group, and Yamcha, quickly moved in to console her.

"Was it just me or did Gohan-kun seem… drunk?"

Kririn vehemently shook his head as Bloomer gave him a pointed look with the comment. "He didn't go anywhere near the fruit punch this time, I swear!"

"The punch is alcohol-free! We made sure of that." Chi-chi corrected sharply. She was definitely going to have 'the talk of all talks' with her son later after she sorted Videl out. "And don't be ridiculous! My baby is too young to drink and he knows that! He probably only got tipsy from one whiff of Old Man Roshi's breath…"

The drunken old man in question stopped dancing with the rake in the shrubs some distance away and fell flat on his face. He didn't get back up again.

"Yeah…" Eighteen drawled, rolling her eyes. "Just like how he's too young to be in a relationship with an **_*_** _older woman_. And yet, here we are… _celebrating it._ _How quaint._ "

"Excuse me?!" Videl sniffed indignantly. "I heard that!"

"That's because _I made sure you would, dear._ " The blue-eyed blonde shot back icily (to which no one dared contradict).

Videl only sobbed louder on the ground where she had sunk to with Chi-chi rubbing her back comfortingly.

"Now dear, Gohan-chan only said those things because he was drunk. My son says the stupidest things when he's drunk! I can assure you that he didn't mean it." Then she seethed, "It's that blasted alien's fault!"

" _'Alien'…?_ " Yamcha, who had been beside the crying girl as well, offering his sympathies, looked up at Chi-chi. "You mean Piccolo? How can it be his fault when he's not even here? Wait, unless… You can't be suggesting that he cares more about Piccolo than he does about a girl? Because that would mean—"

"SHUT UP!" Bloomer, Chi-chi, and Eighteen all screamed in unison at him as Videl's sobs rose in volume.

 **To be continued…**  
(Up next… **Part 2: Weakness No.1** )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***older woman** \- In my mirror universe stories, Videl is older than Gohan.
> 
>  ***turning fifteen this year** – Gohan is 14 here, but turning 15 in 4 months. As you have seen in the accompanying illustration I’ve added for this story, at 14 he has grown a lot and is now a young man (which makes Vegeta somewhat less evil for coercing him to drink draft beer, haha). His physical development is not really that drastic a growth spurt because it has been 4 years after Cell by this time. (Although, 20 would be the legal age for drinking where he comes from.)
> 
> **For those unfamiliar with the way I write Dragon Ball Z:**
> 
> **o** Bloomer is Bulma's correct name, and that's what I use in my official mirror universe stories.  
>  **o** Vegeta's voice in my head(canon) is pegged after Team Four Star's DBZA Vegeta, with a quasi-British accent. (Love TFS. Truly.)
> 
> * * *
> 
> (01/21/2016 - 03/31/2016)

**Author's Note:**

>  **Disclaimer: Dragon Ball/Z/GT/Xenoverse/Super** /etc. belong to their respective owners. I own nothing except this derivative fanwork which I do not profit from.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [Dreamwidth](http://mariekowest.dreamwidth.org/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/mariekowest)


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